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Formal Complaint

If you are reading this, then you are making a Formal Complaint about the legal obligation to enter our really rather wonderful competition. You do realise you could win a copy of Shifter, don't you? And you still want to complain?

Alrighty then...

Obviously, you will need to fill in our Formal Complaint Form (it isn't just yours, you know). You will find this, one assumes, below.

If your Formal Complaint Form is missing, please disconnect your spleen, and try again. We are having some spleen bandwidth problems at present. We apologise the moment you discover your (our, whatever) Formal Complaint Form isn't present. You may not hear us, but we do.

This means that we have no legal culpability if the Formal Complaint Form is missing, or for any matters arising from such an occurance.

For each Formal Complaint Form we receive, we will send out good vibes. For the Luckiest Formal Complainee, we will award one shiny new copy of Shifter as a grateful thanks for bringing to our attention the fact that you are a member of the New Order of Complainees.

If we remember (which I can almost legally guarantee you we won't), we will also send the Luckiest Formal Complainee a commemorative certificate, telling them they complain too much.

Anyway, enough of the legal mumbo-jumbo. Here (all being right with your spleen) should be your Formal Complaint Form:


  • Only one complaint per entry.
  • Only residents of the UK may complain.
  • Date upon which Formal Complaints start being read: 28/2/01 (or 13 The Moon 11 AA to us)
  • Don't bother us after the above date (i.e. now). We will ignore you, and then send the Pixies after you. Watch it. They're scary when deprived of fruit.
  • All complainees must be 18 years of age or older.
  • Don't ask why. We won't tell you.
  • Oh, and we need a load of your details to be sure the Formal Complaint is actually Formal, and not just some nonsense. We (will) know where you live!

First Name:
Last Name:*
Telephone (day):
Telephone (evening):*
Please enter your Formal Complaint here:*

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